Drugs, a victimless crime? Hardly: Miranda Devine

Miranda Devine joins the exalted ranks of 'people who have employed dodgy analogies to justify ill-informed positions in the public sphere' in her latest piece of paid writing for Sydney's Daily Telegraph. And whilst one could tackle Devine's perceived wisdom piece-by-piece, I think the dodgy analogy is all that needs covering really.

So, Devine states: "The analogy is a gardener who regularly weeds his garden, keeping the problem at bay. But one day he decides: "It's no use. The weeds keep growing no matter what I do, so I'll just give up weeding."

Hmm, I can't help but wonder how long this pearl of wisdom has been floating around for and would pay decent money for a snapshot of the expression on Devine's face when it came forth. Yeah, yeah, lowest form of wit, I know. But sometimes one needs to do what feels right, and after years and years of exasperating ignorance, sarcasm feels right.

I am going to offer up an alternative, albeit slightly longer, analogy:

Drug law reform is like having a garden like no other that has ever been in existence. As the owner of the garden, one feels a deep sense of anxiety because one is unaware of why this garden exists and exactly how it came into being. Thus, there is no-one else who can help and say, "Oh yeah, there's another garden like this in another part of the universe that is much older and this is how its owners learnt to manage it best. So one carries on in the best way one knows how to and uses what resources are available. And it is really tough. Because the garden is filled with many different things and it is difficult to understand and sustain all of them. Something that becomes evident, though, is that all the different things benefit from each other's existence and when nurtured appropriately, thrive to create an amazingly beautiful diversity of life forms. The weeds are persistent and need to be removed, but, in the end, even those are the same as the others essentially, and depending on how the gardener manages the garden, the weeds are more or less of a problem.

Then one day, a neighbour comes along and starts to draw one's attention to several particular plants in the garden. To you, they have required regular maintenance to ensure the harmony of the entire garden but they have been no more trouble than any other plant. Oh actually, there has been one particular plant that has been especially troublesome, but it seems helpful to the other plants, so it seems worth it to manage it. But this neighbour is adamant that these several plants are incredibly dangerous and they are even called 'evil'. Over time, one starts to agree with the neighbour because the neighbour has been so relentless and has a garden that is much larger and owns a lot of resources that can be of assistance.

Eventually, after much persuasion, and even a little intimidation, one decides to remove the 'evil plants' and keep watch over the garden to make sure that they never return. However, the neighbour takes cuttings of the evil plants and explains that they will be kept for 'special reasons'. Over time, however, the garden starts to change and a small number of new plants begin to appear. But there is something funny about the new plants because they appear similar to the 'evil plants' but they are attached to the weeds and they are incredibly difficult to manage. They still look okay and they get on okay with the other plants, but there is something that is just not right.

Years pass by and one starts to notice that a fair number of the plants who come into contact with the new plants experience problems and the entire garden becomes even more difficult to manage. The neighbour just tells you to weed harder, and to keep persisting. So you follow the advice of your neighbour who comes by every now and then with chemicals to help kill the new plants. However, more time passes and the situation doesn't seem to be improving and some of the most beautiful and valuable plants in the garden are looking terrible from disease, with some species dying off altogether. The frequency at which the weeds appear has also increased and they have become increasingly voracious, severely impeding the development of other plants. You feel incredibly saddened by the losses and the course that the garden has taken since you removed the 'evil plants' and your neighbour just keeps telling you to continue weeding.

Then one day, a gardener from a far-off town comes to visit and you explain the situation to him. He just throws back his head and laughs, explaining that "We had that problem a few years back and then my neighbour told me to just return to the old way of doing things. To prioritise the beauty and harmony of the garden and not worry about what other gardeners are telling you." The visiting gardener explains that the original weeds are the real problem and that, whilst the 'evil plants' might be a bit trickier to manage, they belong in the garden and provide benefits; "they just require a little more work", the visiting gardener explains. At that moment, one realises that the visiting gardener might be onto something and that with diligence and the abundant resources at hand, a better way of managing the garden is possible. The visiting gardener then continues on home and one is left wondering which is the best course of action to take in the future.

Ethan Nadelmann is the 'visiting gardener' and Australia needs to work out how to best proceed. That, girls and boys, is the end of storytime and it's now time for your midday nap. Nigh' night.